Truth is, everyone’s a mess.

Thank you, sweet baby Jesus (for the record, I’m not being tongue-in-cheek. I totally give Him the credit when I find peace wiggling into my soul).  It’s a pivotal moment when you realize that you’ve been FREAKING out your entire career trying to smash your goals and keep up with the Joneses, only to realize you ARE smashing goals. And frankly, it’s good to hear everyone else is also running a race thinking they are trailing behind the front runners.  Major. Lightbulb. Moment.

Let me be honest.  Every time I pick up my phone, I go straight to Instagram.  Then to Facebook.  Then to Twitter.  Actually in that order without even thinking about it, and you’re probably in a similar boat.  Beautiful stories unfold in front of us every day, showcasing the perfect lives of those in our [somewhat imaginary] circles, inevitably leaving us to feel like we are doing something a little less perfect than most.  Nobody wants to read a rant, see someone’s chaos on their Insta stories, or even worse drone on about their own.  Pair that with the fact that we’re in the middle of a culture shift where we preach on how critical it is to sell ourselves and celebrate wins unapologetically, and you see more than just pretty lives.  You start to wonder why you don’t have anything awesome to share, and the messy spiral begins.  Sharing the awesomeness isn’t always easy to do.  Some are social media geniuses, and some just completely suck at it and look like gaudy braggers in the end, and many just opt out.  So I’ve realized – we’re not alone, everyone is a mess regardless of their sexy posts, and the sooner we accept this truth, the better.

Having said that, I’m going to keep putting my fun face forward and stay to myself on the days when I’m not feeling put together.   In other words, when you don’t see a Tweet, Snap, or post on FB, Insta, etc., you’ll know I’m keeping my chaos to myself at the moment 😉

You can get yourself out of the rut.  Start here…

1. Slow down:  If you’re reading this still, you’re no doubt a go-getter and probably find yourself resisting the urge to claw someone’s eyes out when they tell you to RELAX, or CALM DOWN.  So, I’m not saying that.  I’m saying it’s healthy to sit back and realize things aren’t as bad as your over-achieving mind is telling you they are.  You might be flying through the day without a) recognizing what you’re accomplishing or b) what you’re running toward and why.  You should capture your wins so they register with you.  At the end of the day, write out what you accomplished.  Last week, one of my wins was literally the fact that I showered before I knew my husband was on his way home.  Seriously.  My schedule had become so unstructured, I was running from one thing to the next, but it was a blur.  So I committed to slow down and plan my actions.  It doesn’t have to be some monumental achievement, but starting a schedule was needed, and I did it, which slowed things down and my day became more manageable.  I wrote it down as a win (my husband has no clue about this, so I guess I’ll find out reads my blogs now).  Slowing things down is advice a good friend of mine at work used to give me.  Every time I heard it, I felt weight lift off my shoulders.  Every.  Time. 
2. Prioritize:  That list of a million things in front of you will suffocate you.  But, the three important things to do today or tomorrow, will not.  And I’m not sure what feels better than crossing things off a to-do list, so revel in that, not on the items that follow.  Once that short list is accomplished, you flip the page and look at the next group.  Force yourself to be picky.  If you’re doing everything, you’re doing nothing well, and girl, don’t I know how those spinning wheels feel.  The only time I should be running and not gaining ground is on a treadmill.  And I hate the treadmill.
3. Lower the bar:  This is counter-intuitive to most anything that comes out of my mouth.  My kids, friends, mentees, have all heard me say “Aim high, don’t sell yourself short, you can do it!”.  On the other hand, there are times when it’s A-OK to realize that the bar might be a little too high, and you may be being a little hard on yourself.  If you’re holding yourself to the standard of everyone else out there, then you’re in good shape because they are a mess behind the scenes too.  If you’re comparing yourself with the public version of those people, know that you’ll never win, and that they are likely battling to keep up with someone, too. 

You’ve heard people say “You are enough”, and it might actually trigger an internal eye-roll for you (it did for me).  However, when I shifted my mindset and heard the message differently, to say “You are normal”, it felt a little more true.  I hear it this way and don’t feel like my therapist is sitting across from me soothing my woes.  I get “you are normal.”  I agree with it.  I’m normal, despite what those closest to me might think 😉  Jk – kind of.

“If my aim is to prove I am ‘enough,’ the project goes on to infinity – because the battle was already lost on the day I conceded the issue was debatable.”

Nathaniel Branden

Nathaniel Brandon put the concept of being enough into a context that finally spoke to me.  In his book “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem”, he wrote “If my aim is to prove I am ‘enough,’ the project goes on to infinity – because the battle was already lost on the day I conceded the issue was debatable.”  THIS.  After going through a rough patch with my transition away from my prior career, I started to wonder.  Was I a fraud?  Somehow all of the sudden I wasn’t good enough, for one particular someone, or maybe for anyone?  Impostor syndrome set in something terrible (more on that another time).  My advice to you is, if you find yourself in a similar situation, to stop considering any sense of enough, not enough, adequate, inadequate.  The moment you start to debate or question that point, you’ve started a never-ending quest because you’ll always feel the lingering doubt hovering over you because of the mere fact that you’re TRYING TO BE ENOUGH.  Somebody is looking up to you, wanting to be like you, and hoping you’ll share a nugget of wisdom with them.  Go find those people and feed them, learn from them, make them your tribe.

In the meantime, I hope you find peace by slowing things down, prioritizing, and lowering the tough expectations you’ve set for yourself, ultimately realizing you are normal because everyone’s a mess.  I’d love to hear from you if there are tips our tribe could learn from on how to stay positive when thinking we’re losing ground.  Please comment below, and don’t forget to let me know if there’s anything specific you’d like to discuss.  Most importantly, thanks for letting me share with you today.            

XOXO, Andrea

And then, there’s golf!

Insight for Ladies with Drive

What are all the numbers on the clubs for?!?  Contrary to what common sense tells us, golf clubs with a low number are designed to actually go longer distance, while the higher numbered clubs are used for shorter distances.  There is some logic to this, believe it or not.  The number indicates the loft (angle of the club face in relation to the shaft – the stick part ;)).  The loft should control how high the ball travels, to control for the distance.  So for example, if I need to hit the ball 80 yards, but use a club with low loft, the ball will likely stay low and go past my target.  Forcing the ball upward with the loft will shorten the ball flight, hence allowing you to shoot the ball just right (hopefully).  The lower the loft, the less height and more distance the ball will take.  The higher the loft, the more height and less distance the ball will take, theoretically.  So I tell my friends who are new to the game that the shorter the club, the shorter the distance, and vice versa.  Eventually the numbering will click and it’ll be second nature to grab your 4 hybrid (my favorite club in my bag) or 9 iron.